Umm… things just got a little bit bigger

Let’s start off by saying that I have been more than practical and responsible with my wedding planning. I do care about the details, but all along I never fretted on the cost of things because I knew I would be able to keep my budget really low – due to a small wedding and because I’m crafty, resourceful and smart. (Oh yeah, and extremely pretty)

It didn’t take me more than a few minutes of cruising all the major wedding sites to realize that anything with the word “wedding” attached to it instantly jacks up the price. Fortunately for us, inviting 30 people instantly drops the average cost on several areas of the wedding budget – stationary, food, drinks, cake, flowers, etc. Awesome. On the other hand, there are some areas that no matter if you have 2 people in attendance or 200; you won’t be able to really cut cost.

For example, wedding videography. The “investments” do vary among companies, however if you want something magnificent, you’ll be paying top dollar. And here we are with about 5 months to go and I just recently decided that I must have cinematic wedding filmmakers to capture my big day. I know I could find something much less expensive, but I need the best of the best when it comes to wedding day visuals. I’m not down with anything traditional. I’m currently back in school at “one of the leading art education institutions in the United States”, therefore I’m a total snob when it comes to anything in the creative realm. I’ll admit it. I’m a snob. And very opinionated.

I’m pretty sure I freaked out the Fi with my enthusiasm and determination on having (what appears to be) the best wedding videographers in the state. He’s been giving me several dose s of reality and we discussed the option at great length. All along this roller coaster of planning, nothing besides my DIY invitations has had me this excited about wedding stuff. I hope he understands how important it is for me to have a movie trailer of our ceremony… and the rest of the footage. I’m sure our parents will think we’re nuts for doing this – especially since we’ve stressed how we wanted to keep things simple. But this is my big splurge. I never got the Jimmy Choos… I went with Steve Madden. I didn’t get the designer dress… I went with BCBG off the rack. I’m not even getting a wedding band… I’ll be using my e-ring. And I’m o.k. with all these decisions. However, when it comes to the photography and (now) film, I’m willing to take the plunge and spend a few thousand bucks. Gulp. Yes, the thought of the “investment” does make me a little nauseous at times. But I just remind myself, in 10 years, all the money I spent on my wedding won’t matter.

So now we’ll have invited 24 friends and family to attend, but will have about 9 vendors also there for the whole sha-bang. Hmm. Things are starting to look a little unbalanced, but whatever.

Let’s get this show on the road…

Small Wedding Means No Bridal Shower

... or at least in my case.

Yes ladies, I am foregoing the gawd awful bridal shower. Just one less thing I have to worry about - same with my friends and family. I understand that many love giving gifts and spending a Sunday afternoon chewing on cake and sipping fruit punch, but I find this a total interruption in my weekend. So in keeping in line with a teeny tiny wedding, I said "No".

I know many people still have bridal showers - some traditional, some co-ed, some BBQ backyard parties. However, in my case, I found this rite of passage to be unnecessary. The F and I have been together for almost 6 years and we've been living together for just about 1 year now. We have each lived on our own prior to cohabitating in sin. Therefore, we have double of everything and more than enough stuff than we know what to do with. (Hopefully I’ll be able to hawk some of the crap at a work garage sale next month). We don’t need any more stuff. I’ve had few people tell me this would be a great opportunity to upgrade, but trust me; we’re all style and class, folks. Or at least I like to think. Really, I have everything I could want for right now. We’re in an apartment until we win the Lottery so there is no point in stocking up for a house or taking any more stuff to clutter our closets. The tradition started for those moving out of mom and dad’s for the first time. Been there, done that.

Also, with having such a small wedding, I would never dare ask to have a shower with those who are not invited to the wedding. Again, something else that seems pretty pointless due to having such a small wedding. We are trying to maintain the integrity of marriage by keeping things to the basics. Gifts, the money, the hoopla… none of this really matters because we’re in love and ready to make a life-long, legal commitment. I believe too many people get wrapped up in the hype. It’s hard not too with all the wedding porn out there, but I’m doing my best to keep true to my heart, wants and needs.

Small Time Wedding = Big Time Doubts

Ever since I became engaged back in December, I have never once had a single doubt about my wedding plans… until right now.

All along I have loved the fact that we are breaking from tradition and doing things how we’ve always wanted. We’re fairly simple people who aren’t big into entertaining or being the center of attention. Well, that’s probably more me than him. The F is a social butterfly who loves to go out with friends and doesn’t get embarrassed easily, so being in the spotlight probably won’t cause him to run and hide. I’m a big home body who enjoys my alone time. Love it and cherish it. Trust me, I’m not some recluse - I work full-time, I am back in school 3 nights/week, I go to the gym, I get myself out there in public no problem. But I’m just SO over the wedding hype. And I really am done with being “The Bride”. I just want to be married to the man I love.

To be completely honest, I don’t like weddings. (No offense) They are lovely, I have had some fun moments at a few, food is usually decent, the brides always look incredible, but it’s basically the same thing. Time and time again. It’s a formula as simple as 2 + 2 = 4. I hate that. It’s a total routine.

Our wedding will be more like 2 + 2 = 3,654. Which has been difficult for some to understand. And probably a disappointment for others.

As previously mentioned, we are having both our ceremony and reception at The Whitney. Our ceremony will be held on the main stair case in front of a floor to ceiling Tiffany stained-glass window. Gorgeous! It will be a civil ceremony officiated by a former co-worker of mine who is one of the nicest people I know. It’s important that I have someone I know and respect perform the ceremony. The F and I are baptized Catholic; however we are not currently practicing the faith, hence us not feeling right making the sacrament. It’s hypocritical. Before, during & a tad bit after the ceremony there will be a cellist and violinist playing music. Before meeting with the Whitney’s event manager, I thought some iTunes would work just fine. After standing atop the opulent stair case I realized that having a friend press play would be so stupid. The historic venue deserves nothing less than live music for such a classy affair. Once we’re husband and wife, we’ll be off to an hour of strolling hors d’euvres and then dinner. That’s it. Oh yeah, we’ll also be having cake and have wedding favors for all those who attended. Then that’s it.

We will not be having any dancing or DJ. We couldn’t be the farthest thing from the Duggers so this decision doesn’t have anything to do with religious beliefs. But with only 27 people attending, dancing seems pretty pointless. Especially when 6 of those 27 would be considered elderly. Our grandparents are awesome, but they’re not the most mobile people due to age. And since we’re not having any dancing, a DJ seems pretty pointless to hire. Classical music piping through the speakers as the place always does will be good enough for me.

The F also doesn’t want to do the traditional cake cutting. I was actually ok with performing this ritual as husband and wife. Oh well. I still have 5 months to change his mind.

No bouquet tossing, no garter, no daddy-daughter crap, no mother-son Oedipus stuff. Just a wedding with a really fancy dinner afterwards. I was A-O.K. with all of this until we received an email from our potential photographer (yeah, we’re a little slow with some aspects of the planning. We still don’t have a photographer). She’s trying to gage how much time she would need for our wedding and asked us if we’d be having the first dance, the introduction of us and our wedding party (which is the BM, MOH and Jr Bridesmaid), cutting the cake, blah, blah, blah.

These questions were easy to answer, but they got me thinking… then worrying. Are people going to think this wedding is dumb? Are they going to be bored? What do we do when it wraps up at 10 p.m.? I’m assuming we’ll hit up a bar with friends since we’re downtown, but what if they’re so bored from our wedding of lameness that they rather go home? Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life by having a teeny tiny, simple wedding? I should just elope. Run away and never see anyone ever again.

With 5 months to go and several deposits already made, there’s no turning back. And I refuse to start all over again and plan a more elaborate affair. I’m o.k. with an escape route of eloping in the Great Smokey Mountains or even a tropical beach in Costa Rica, but I know I could never face my mother afterwards. I’m going to surge forward and keep plucking away at my wedding “To Do” list until October. It kinda sucks sometimes. Ah, the doubts. I mean, what if I look back on my life and regret my decision? How do I know I made the right decision? And this is where I’m at today. I seriously need a big bag of peanut M & Ms right now.

Yes, this is an engagement ring, folks.

I love my engagement ring. The F did good. Real good. I insisted on the main stone being green. Don't get me wrong, I love a mean diamond, but a traditional e-ring is just not my style. 

I like to break from the norm, why not while planning a wedding?

Engaged, umm, how do we do this?

Despite knowing that we are having a very small wedding, I still find the planning process overwhelming at times. There is so much information from Martha, The Knot, bridal magazines, websites, blogs, friends, family, co-workers, vendors, therapists. Even the nurse who took my blood pressure at last week's doctor visit had some input on my planning. The timelines, deadlines, count downs, questions, do this, do that... I have been ready to lose my mind. How about just doing it my way? Ass backwards. 

Me and the F want the small wedding. In order to do that, we had to make some major cuts. We both come from very large families so the only way to make things clean and fair was to invite parents, grandparents, siblings and a few close friends. With "and guests" and 2 important vendors (officiant and photographer), we're up to 26 people total. On paper this was an easy decision, however emotionally it has been rough at times. We've received both positive and some negative feedback on our decision. We have had many round and round discussions about this, but always come back to wanting the small wedding. *Sigh* The dreaded cuts. Never easy - whether it's 26 guests or 350. Please tell me I am not alone with the icky feelings related to cuts.

After we had a starting point, then came finding a location for the ceremony and reception site. We immediately knew we were going to have it at The Whitney. I'm all about the details so I couldn't imagine having it anywhere else.

I love old Detroit. I really wish I had a time machine so I could travel back to "good 'ol days". Though much of the city is in shambles and rampant with crime, there are still some incredible historic structures all in tact. So since time machines do not exist, my wedding will be as close as I get to going back a few decades.